<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I Could Have-Then by arlenejp</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26877892">I Could Have-Then</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/arlenejp/pseuds/arlenejp'>arlenejp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes &amp; Related Fandoms, Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, at home with Watson, love stays silent, never say love out loud, sherlock pines, tea with John, violin speaks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:08:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26877892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/arlenejp/pseuds/arlenejp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock talking to himself about the times he could have-- and does</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sherlock Holmes/John Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Could Have-Then</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>London in the fog. London in the drizzle of an evening.<br/>
We're out in this miserable weather solving a crime.<br/>
I've concluded my observations.<br/>
But he-he, who stands by my side, captures my arm.<br/>
I'm amazing, he says, for solving this crime within minutes of our arrival.<br/>
I could have--but then--I don't.</p>
<hr/><p>A quiet, boring evening at home with him.<br/>
He's made tea and is reading the latest sports page.<br/>
The sofa is not long enough to hold my stretched out body, so I curl up.<br/>
He notices and grunts.<br/>
Disapproval, I understand.<br/>
Twisting up and out of the fetal position, I pace instead.<br/>
He mutters.<br/>
I stop in front of his chair, knowing I could have--but then--I don't.</p>
<hr/><p>Snow falls, heavy.<br/>
My violin's song is as soft as the snowflakes.<br/>
He has taken a shower, his blonde hair is still wet, his feet in socks.<br/>
I notice the slight rip in the pajama top and point to it with the tip of the bow.<br/>
He giggles.<br/>
So cute.<br/>
I could have--but then--I don't.</p><p>Our landlady is bustling about the kitchen.<br/>
Trying her best to clean up the mess, the mess that is my latest science experiment.<br/>
He, understanding my agitation, talks peacefully to her.<br/>
Preventing her from doing any more harm.<br/>
She bustles out, turns, and says she'll have hot buns for us later tonight.<br/>
He grins at me.<br/>
I could have--but then--I don't.</p><p>It's three in the morning.<br/>
Insomnia has its grip on me.<br/>
I'm trodding the parlor floor back and forth.<br/>
He comes downstairs, hair tousled, eyes adjusting to the dim light.<br/>
No grumbles about waking him at this dreadful hour.<br/>
Instead, he walks to the kitchen, turns on the water tap, places the kettle under it, and fires up the stove.<br/>
Tea is set forth on the coffee table and, he sits.<br/>
He waits for me to calm myself and enjoys the moment for what it is.<br/>
I could have--but then--I don't.</p><p>He's laid there so quiet.<br/>
His arm in a cast, his face a mass of bruises.<br/>
I was too hasty and in that haste, an iron pipe descended on my head.<br/>
He took the man down.<br/>
He saved my life.<br/>
Again.<br/>
And again.<br/>
Never a complaint.<br/>
Always willing to risk his life for me.<br/>
I could have--but then--I stop and with the moment ripe for confession, I whisper, "I love you."</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>